I felt writing about this before I start work today. There is no reason at all for this entry. I am doing it because I feel like doing it.

Yesterday morning I woke up to a startling message on my mobile. An acquaintance's mother had passed away. This acquaintance also happens to be D's cousin. I did not know the mother well so it did not create much impact on me. However, it was upsetting when I realised that two girls had just lost their mother at a young age.

I went to the house with my parents. My fourth funeral. The ever first one was Pravin's grandfather's. I used to hate to attend funerals. I would refuse to go when my parents attend any. I had no choice when it was my own grandfather. It was time I faced reality. After that it was just worse to go for any. Every funeral just reminds me of my grandfather's.

I digressed. Anyway, I was happily chatting with my mother till I entered the house. I could feel my hairs stand. I did not like the feeling. I could not bring myself to look at the face. I paid my last respects and went to sit with Suba (Thank god she was there). My whole body was trembling. My hands were shaking and my legs could not stand strongly. I knew I had to leave the place. I could not handle it. Thankfully, I walked out with Suba.


This morning it dawned on me how at the funeral I did not talk to so many people and how I interacted with so little people. These people are D's relatives. Though I knew many of them even before I knew D it was amazing how they were willing to look at me like I do not exist just because I am D's girlfriend. Ya, weird bunch of people. However, I have to be grateful because God gave me those few people who are sincere with me.

I rather talk and bond with people who really want to know me and really like me than those who talk to you when they feel like it and only just because they have to. Sometimes I tell myself to forget the past and move on. I have tried many times to bond with people whom I detested once upon a time. Then again, their actions and reactions just brings the relationship back to square one.

Oh God! Am I making any sense here?? I am just typing as it comes to my mind. I cannot seem to stop this verbal vomit.

Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. There were even times when I wanted to end it all due to this pressure.

Imagine being in an union which is not whole-heartedly blessed by all.

What can you say or do about people who just do not want you to be together for their own selfish reasons?

What can you feel when the people who are supposed to support you turn around and ask you to destroy the relationship and simple ask your better half to find someone else?

How more hurt can you be when the first thing someone utters, when they hear of your relationship, is that you and your soul mate should be separated at all costs? (This incident is one that I can never and will never forget)

Then how would you feel when someone hates you even before you know each other, and they simply hate you because someone they love told them to do so?

How would you react when you are judged negatively for your actions which were purely committed for your loved ones, exactly what they were doing too?

It does hurt in a strangely numb manner especially when these people should be playing a very important part in your life.

It may all sound like figments of my wild sadistic imagination but it is true. It has happened and is happening still. I am awaiting the day it will all end but I doubt that that day will ever dawn on all of us.



PS: I am fine. Really. I just felt like typing out my feelings. Once out here I feel much better and it helps me to move on.

PPS: I am missing you so much....


Do I want to be accepted afterall?
Is it important to me or you or anyone at all?
Will they ever change?
Will they ever realise that this is meant to be?
If they do not, does it matter?
If they ever do, then I know
Miracles do EXIST...